(no subject)

When I read a thing I take it seriously, meaning I try to understand what is said and what is not said.  I've dawdled between faith and agnosticism for years.  Now what I choose to believe is less religion than a form of one-ness between body and soul, the unity of shared purpose between both. 

I need to re-affirm this with myself because I'm questioning it now.  I'm questioning whether for 25 years I have wasted my time and breath and that would be unbearable.  I've read Atlas Shrugged and I just...don't know what to think anymore.  She's right and she's wrong, somehow.  I don't know.  Yes happiness is the goal, yes self-esteem is self, but there is mysticism and there is that horror she calls 'feeling', and I believe in purpose and free thinking but I have never separated God-as I believe him/her/it to be-from that. 

It is simply that if happiness is the right, and freedom of thought and expression and strength for personal ideals is the basis of morality then don't you think-isn't it natural then-that the God as we perceive it (goodness, balance, positivity, creativity, harmony) would be a part of that?  I cannot separate body from soul and God isn't one or the other to me, he's both.  His purpose will always be the best of mine.  If that makes sense!

Ayn Rand is messing with my head!